In this millennium, when decades after decades have passed, the light of faith that signifies women are (almost) equal to men, has shined bit by bit, paving hope for women to embrace knowledge that resulted to harvesting respect from the opposite gender.
But then again, in a country where ministers who are women discriminate their own kind, is there really hope for men to treat women with the respect they deserve?
For as long as I remember, there have always been talks and discussion of the roles of women at home, or as a mother and especially as a wife. Talks like this will then somehow lead to women, sex and her sexuality - on how women should dressed, how to not attract men, how to refrain from arousing other men, on how wives MUST always conform to their husbands’ demands whether she likes it or not – just like the talks I heard from my compulsory marriage course that me and my the fiance took, almost 8 years ago.
The speakers talked so much about respecting the man of the house or the domestic leader, the husband. But so very little on the bigger responsibility that is weighted on the husband’s shoulder, to which I feel is utmost crucial in working towards a healthy and happy marriage.
There was close to none on how a husband should respect his wife. The only part that I could remember was a husband MUST respect his wife’s decision for not wanting to have sex only when she menstruates or ill or just given birth or how it is 'haram' to drink milk from the lactating bosom of a wife. Yup, just that.
I endured and took it in for two full days and in the end I asked myself, what is even the point of this course? I was even ‘lost’ then I was before. At the same time, I felt I have been ‘brainwashed’ to subjugate my womanly fantasy of an ideal marriage ie. love, tranquillity and kindness.
No wonder the divorce rate is high in this country, one divorce in 10 minutes apparently.
So, do Malaysian men really understand the meaning to the word respect?
If you look up or Google for the meaning for the word ‘respect’, you will find something or among others stating:
“Respect can either be given or received, respect can also be built over time; often continued caring interactions are required to maintain or increase feelings of respect among individuals. And chivalry is the outward display of respect”
The word respect it is pretty simple when it is written out like this but it is really complex to be embedded and comprehended by the typical mind of a Malaysian men, especially if they are Malays and have been through the same course that I did.
My daily observation tells me that Malaysian men do not how to respect their women and that chivalry is dead.
I have male friends coming to me and talk about their wives like these women are some sort of a liability or a doormat; I have lady friends who seek advice on their husbands who refused them sexually but subscribe to pornography and infidelity; I also have male friends openly discussing how he regretted marrying his wife and wish for someone else just because his wife has gained the few extra pounds; I have also heard of a husband who succumbed to violence and abuse just because he can and that his religion (Islam) allows him to.
Is it really difficult to respect a woman?
But then, of course, like everything else, amid this haystack of badness, there is always some goodness that is worth mentioning. There are some men or husbands who love their wives unconditionally who respect their women dearly. These men are rare and hard to come by but they are out there.
My faith tells me that there is never a time too late to make a change.
Since it is difficult to teach old dogs rather old men new tricks, we can always start with educating and exposing our boys to chivalry and respect, not just unto women but to all mankind.
Respect - Aretha Franklin. Source: YouTube
