A few hours into my first conversation with a man on Bumble — a dating app where, after there's a match, it's up to the woman to say hello — I popped the question: "So this is my first Bumble conversation, and I don't want to bumble it," I wrote. "Too soon to ask if you'd want to meet up sometime?"
"Not too soon at all!" he replied.
As someone who publicly encourages women to ask men out, I had a hunch that Bumble and I would click.
There are few rules in dating anymore, and for the most part that's great: Anyone can ask anyone out; there's no set time you're supposed to wait from initial hello to "Hey, wanna get a drink?" But online, no rules also means people can be rude and crude, dozens of matches never lead to conversations, and conversations often don't lead to dates.
Bumble is out to do something about all of that. And there are lots of rules: Every user can swipe left or right through Tinder-esque profiles, but once a match is established, female users have 24 hours to send an initial message to her matches. Once she says hello, the countdown clock disappears. Male users can extend one match a day (the equivalent of an online-dating lifeline), but most matches will disappear if the woman doesn't speak up before the clock ticks down. (For same-sex couples, the 24-hour limit still applies, and either person can send the initial note.)
The app was started by Whitney Wolfe, formerly of Tinder, who sued the company for sexual harassment a year ago. She posits that, when there's no pressure on men to make that first move, they're less likely to send nasty or insulting messages to women. "When rejection and pressure are removed," Wolfe says, "the risk of aggression is reduced greatly."
Sure, aggressive, angry or inappropriate messages can still pop up when the woman makes the approach, but they do seem less likely on Bumble. In two weeks on the app, I haven't received anything fit for the infamous @ByeFelipe or @TinderNightmares Instagram feeds.
By putting a time limit on these matches, women don't have long to linger. "If there is a countdown," Wolfe says, "you're not perceived as desperate or forward."
That's true, but to a user, it can also be stressful to message matches against a ticking clock. The time limit forces you to decide: Whom do I really want to message? How many dates do I want to schedule?
According to Bumble's data, about 60 percent of matches result in a conversation. A 37-year-old female Bumble user in San Francisco told me that the time limit helps her clarify whom she really wants to go out with. "If you don't have enough interest in a person to get it together to send one single message," she says, "you're probably not all that interested." She's currently seeing someone she met on the app.
A common complaint I encountered while talking with female Bumble users: The men are really hot.
And this is a problem, how?
Lauren, a 27-year-old Washingtonian, says she and her friends wondered if the men on the site are catfishing, because they're almost "too attractive." (I've been on two dates with men off the app and haven't been catfished yet.)
Based on her Bumble experience, Lauren does have some newfound empathy for men. "I kind of see the challenge for guys" as far as striking up a conversation, she says. "I'll pass up a lot of matches because I don't know what to say to this person and I don't feel like figuring it out."
But if you are quick with a hello or witty opening line? Our San Francisco user finds that, when she's the one reaching out first, she's getting better dates. "I prefer to make the first move," she says. "The problem I'm trying to solve is: How do I avoid being harassed while I'm looking for a partner?"
For that, Bumble is a good place to start.
The Washington Post
Sat Jul 11 2015
With the Bumble dating app, once a match is established, female users have 24 hours to send an initial message to her matches.
AWANI Pagi: Harapan Palestin & pupuk sifat sukarelawan anak muda
Ikuti temuramah wartawan Afiezy Azaman dengan Mohd Azmi Abdul Hamid, Presiden Majlis Perundingan Pertubuhan Islam Malaysia (MAPIM) di Kaherah, Mesir berkaitan isu Palestin.
#AWANInews #AWANIpagi
#AWANInews #AWANIpagi
'Henti serang Rafah atau tiada gencatan senjata' - Hamas
Osama Hamdan tegaskan pilihan kini berada di tangan Perdana Menteri Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu.
Hatrik Muhammad Azrai Aizad bantu Speedy Tigers kejutkan New Zealand 6-4
Sarjit menuntut anak buahnya untuk sekali lagi menampilkan aksi terpuji apabila menentang Jepun Rabu ini.
Hidup bersama secara aman antara 10 resolusi Persidangan Antarabangsa Ketua-Ketua Agama
Resolusi itu dibacakan oleh Ketua Pengarah Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia (JAKIM) Datuk Hakimah Mohd Yusoff.
Lintasan Karem Shalom dibuka semula
Susulan tindak kejam israel menutup lintasan Rafah, satu-satunya laluan bantuan kemanusiaan memasuki Gaza.
Amerika Syarikat berkata, mereka dimaklumkan bahawa lintasan Karem Shalom, yang sebelum ini ditutup Israel akan dibuka semula pada Rabu.
Amerika Syarikat berkata, mereka dimaklumkan bahawa lintasan Karem Shalom, yang sebelum ini ditutup Israel akan dibuka semula pada Rabu.
Operasi Israel di Rafah berbentuk terhad
Penasihat keselamatan White House, John Kirby mengesahkan operasi Israel di Rafah bertujuan mengekang penyeludupan senjata dan dana kepada Hamas.
Henti serang Rafah, atau tiada gencatan senjata – Hamas
Kumpulan pejuang Hamas, memberi kata putus kepada Israel untuk menghentikan serangan ke atas Rafah, atau ia menarik diri daripada perjanjian gencatan senjata.
Isu teknikal: Lapangan Terbang Antarabangsa UK alami masalah sistem e-gate
Sistem laluan automatik (e-gate) di beberapa lapangan terbang antarabangsa United Kingdom mengalami masalah teknikal pada malam Selasa menyebabkan orang ramai terpaksa beratur panjang dan menunggu lebih lama.
TikTok saman kerajaan Amerika Syarikat
TikTok dan syarikat induknya di China, ByteDance memfailkan saman ke atas kerajaan Amerika Syarikat susulan tindakan pengharaman aplikasi itu.
Dasar Pengurusan Bencana Negara akan disemak semula - Ahmad Zahid
Dasar Pengurusan Bencana Negara akan disemak semula bagi meningkatkan daya tahan serta mengukuhkan kesiapsiagaan dan keupayaan negara dalam menguruskan bencana dengan lebih baik.