FOR those amongst us who do not come from Kelantan, `pitih’ is moolah; what every other Malaysian calls wang for money. Apart from King Midas, it is doubtful if anyone has the alchemy to make money. Not unless you hit on the formula to create the concoction promising to deliver THE elixir of life.

After all, which hot blooded male is not on the lookout for the magic mix that allows one to flash a perpetual grin at work, be bouncy all day long with commendable vigour in the bedroom when the sun goes down and the moon comes out?

YOU doooooo! Then meet Queen Vida – who in her day job answers to the name Datuk Seri Dr Hasmiza Othman; aka Dr Vida for when she wears her commercial persona.

She is your typical larger-than-life personality who attracts publicity like bees to honey. If you don’t already know her; it is only because your viewing habits does not include watching Malay reality shows on TV.

Dr Vida is the purveyor of this wildly popular potion called Pamoga that promises to take those who imbibe it to the Everest of ecstasy. (You already want to go out and grab an entire bottle don’t you?). She, together with the tight community of cosmetics and wellness health supplements entrepreneurs have somehow convinced Malaysians that their bitter ointment, fruity concoctions and herbal potions somehow make our lives better.

Wait for it, there’s more in her cosmetic closet.

While promoting skin lightening is frowned upon in enlightened societies (I could not resist it could I?); the same cannot be said for local `insensibilities’. So Dr Vida also does brisk business promising lighter skin tone simply by the act of piling on lashings of Qu Puteh – her signature skin whitening product.

The brand name was cleverly created using the tactic of intentional `mis’ spelling that only serves to attract oodles of attention.

She is seemingly an omnipresent figure in over-long music and reality shows on local TV. Far from bashful when it comes to attracting attention and publicity, she makes her regal appearances before the cameras sporting a glittering tiara perched atop her shimmering `tudung’.

Each show’s presenters are especially schooled to ensure her products are given a plug at every opportunity. Dr Vida herself displays a `devil-may-care’ attitude towards the barbs tossed her way by detractors who find her interjections a little too `in-your-face’ if not irritatingly incessant.

Whatever the objection, the fact is not lost that the shows attract a huge following. The advertising chants promoting her products get repeated by supporters and detractors alike; but does Dr Vida care? She gleefully admits that negativity washes off her like water off a duck’s back and that controversy only generates for her opportunity.

So back to football – rather to the hallowed halls of the Kelantan Football Association (KAFA). Football in Kelantan is in a rather awkward position. The state is governed by the Islamist-leaning Pas where frivolity is not exactly encouraged. But when it comes to football – hey; even the Pope does not stay in the Vatican cloisters when Argentina plays!

So the State government has been wise enough not to turn down outright this unlikely alliance. They have also indicated that they don’t quite mind allowing her to paint the stadium pink.

To be sure, Datuk Vida is spending all that investment with an eye to the nascent market north of the Golok River. Already there has been talk that she has proposed that Kelantan break the bank – her bank; to get Thai player Teerasil Dangda. It would require big Bahts though. Dangda at 28 is one of the Thai’s top players who now plies his soccer skills in the Spanish La Liga with club side Almeria.

It all makes sense now – with a local player that the Thais can root for playing for Kelantan, a totally new market for her products will now open.

Datuk Vida is now on the way to rival the reputation of Roman Abramovich or closer to home; a female `royal’ rival to JDT’s TMJ.

I can just imagine the Kelantan players downing bottles of Pamoga before each home game and should they win; fans who used to chant `Gomo Kelate Gomo’ on the terraces somehow now sing it to the tune of `Qu Puteh Qu Puteh!’ After all, she who pays the Piper, can paint the stadium Pink!